Okay, so I'm reading this book called Sex, Drugs, and Coaco Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. It's a series of pop culture related essays and it's better than the title would make you think. Except when it's not. Anyway, there's this section where he list a bunch of questions that he asks everyone he meets to see if he can love them or not. I thought the following question was a really good one. Read it and tell me your answer:

"For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The fist is an indpendently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg fottage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as "brutally honest and relentlessly fair." Meanwhile Columbia Tri-star had producec a big budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and you acquaintances; Though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of the fictionalized account, but audiences love it. Which film would you be most interested in seeing?"


The independent documentary. Always go with the independent film.  


Ian, independant doesn't mean porn.

Just so we're clear...  


porn.

oh wait... that's not a choice.

independent. mine, though, would be porn.  


Hollywood blockbuster.

Who wants to see a movie in which Ian, James, Patrick, Danny, and my parents appear? No one, that's who.

Pretend is much more fun than real life anyway.  


I think for you Patrick they should just illustrate your life in a graphic novel then make a big budget movie based on the graphic novel.  


Hardik, you're clearly a genius. It's that kind of forward thinking that makes you my favorite friend with "ik" in thier name. Sorry. Andy Roddick. Oh wait. That's "ick." You're still safe, Andy.  


Julie, your porn would be titled, "Butt Punch 3."  


I can't wait to see the scene in B.P's Hollywood blockbuster where Matthew McCaughneheyheyey, playing me, acts all awsome and girls love him.  


cunt punch  


Oy! Take it easy. This is a family blog.  


Congrats...your blog is now rated XXX.  


In the Hollywood blockbuster movie, I want Christopher Walken to play me.  


There goes my Nickelodian endorsement.  


That's funny, because just the other day I was saying that you remind me of a thicker, balder, more Philipino Christopher Walken.  


"I can't wait to see the scene in B.P's Hollywood blockbuster where Matthew McCaughneheyheyey, playing me, acts all awsome and girls love him."

Talk about screenwriters taking liberties. Wow.  


I will be played by the guy from "Weird Science" the television show. If he's not dead in a gutter by now.  


sorry. didn't realize families looked at these...

sorry.  


If they were taking liberties, they'd have me played by Nell Carter.  


You totally are that guy from Weird Science. I think he died a few years ago, though. Hopefully, though, by the time Bryan's movie is made, science will have found a way to bring him back to life.  


Families do read blogs, together, Julie. It's like how families used to sit around the radio together and listen to programs, well, now they sit around the computer and read my blog together. That's why I spend so much time talking about family values and stuff...  


Science!  


Science!  


So, I had the title of the book in this post as, "Sex, Lies, and Coaco Puffs." It's actually "Sex, Drugs, and Coaco Puffs. And I'm actually an idiot.  


I would love to privately screen the indie film... but the Hollywood version would probably be more fun to watch.

As stated many moons ago on my blog - I would be played by one of the following:

Seth Green
a younger Ron Howard -or-
Conan O'Brien  


That is hilarious because you are my favorite friend with "ick" in their name, but Andy does come in close second (you may have to watch you ass).  


I have decided that if they make a documentary of your life that I should get to narrate it. I have a very powerful and touching voice and that after hearing it people will be moved not by your life but the way your life has been narrated by me. And I am one of the best closers in the game. This service goes for anyone who needs it because we all know that Patrick will sell out and do the Hollywood movie.  


Allie, if I write your movie there will be several scenes where you make dinner plans with me and then cancel them. It'll be a running joke throughout the movie. Sort of like how it's a... it's a... what do you call it in real life when something's a running joke, but it's not a joke?  


Scott, I'm in love with the idea of Conan O'Brien playing you in a movie. I think he's freakishly tall, though. They'll have to do those Lord of The Ring filming tricks just to make him look human-size.  


You do have a touching and moving voice Hardik. I think the movie should open with you sitting in a large chair in a plush mahoganey libary. You open a leather bound volumen and begin to read the story of my life. That way you get a little face time, too.

I don't know how to spell mahoganey.  


If we get to sixty because you posted the same comment four times it's gonna feel like a cheat.

I'd like to write and direct. I don't think I have the ass to be a butt double. Mostly because my crack is off center.

I'd also want to act a couple of times. Opposite Kate Hudson or Angelina Jolie.  


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