The trailers for the upcoming Fantastic Four movie make it look like a piece of crap. But if there's one good thing to come out of the whole mess, it'll be this:

A Jessica Alba action figure.

Finally you can take Jessica with you everywhere you go. Out to dinner, to the movies, home for holidays. Finally, your parents will stop bugging you about why you don't have a girlfriend! Finally, someone who'll understand the real you!

Sure, her clothes are a little tight. But it's a super hero costume. What do you expect? Plus, so what if other guys are looking at her, she's yours, right? They can look all they want, but she's going home with you. And if sometimes she doesn't answer her cellphone, well, you know... she was probably busy. It doesn't mean anything. And so what if she has a lot of guy friends? That's not that big of a deal, right? And if every once in a while, she stays out all night - who cares? She said she was at her girlfriend's house. Of course you called there and nobody answered... and whats with all these Victoria's Secret receipts? You haven't seen any new underwear! Okay... now don't jump to any conclusions... there could be a very reasonable explanation for all of this. Like... like... Screw this! What have you been up to, you little hussy??? I'll kill you! I'll kill you!!


Hey look Johnny... camel toe!  


You have a problem.  


i just found out that she will be doing a spin off. it's supposed to be more of a kung-fu movie. i think it's called Crouching Camel Hidden Toe. it's going to be a blockbuster.  


Seriously... seek help.  


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