So, B.P. Gonzizzle and I lead this devotional group for high school students. Instead of talking about important spiritual issues last night, we were giving the guys in our group tips on testing the waters to see if a girl wants to kiss you or not.

B.P. recommended the guys touch the girl's back. Like as you're entering a restaraunt, you open the door for her and as she walks past you, you touch her back lightly. This communicates to her that you're open to touching. Then you wait for her to touch you back at some point, I think. And if she does, then you're pretty much in. I don't know. I think that's what he said. I quit listening for a while, until he offered to act it out with one of the guys.

I told the guys that they needed to find harmless ways to work it into conversation. Like by asking her about her first kiss. It gives her a chance to talk about herself and it puts the idea of kissing in her head. I illustrated with a story about asking this one girl about her first kiss. She said she was in jr. high and kicked the guy in the nuts afterwards. So then I ask, "Is that gonna happen to me if I try to kiss you?" To which she answered, "No." See? Simple, charming conversation that ends with me being informed it's okay to make my move later. B.P. said my technique was stupid, though, because in highschool guys can't pull off conversations like that. He might have a point.

So, I've decided to ask you, my readers, about this topic. To my guy readers, how do you lay the groundwork for kissing a girl on a date? To my girl readers, what signs do you give a guy that it's okay to kiss you? I'll pass the best advice on to my high schoolers next week.


First off...you asked a junior high girl if she was gonna kick you in the nuts if you kissed her. She replied, "no"...however, she is in JUNIOR HIGH!!! Way to go R. Kelly!!!

Tell your high school boys to sense how the date is going. If they are having a great time and both feel comfortable with each other. Ask a lot of questions about her. Find out her interests. If they feel things go well, casually go for a kiss when the night ends.  


Jr. High girls need love too.

Also, your advice sucks. "Sense how the date is going?" Guys have no abillity to "sense" anything. That's why they often take phrases like, "You're nice," "thanks for being a good friend," and "would you like a refill?" to be signs that a girl is into them.

Come back with something concrete or don't come back at all. I'm trying to get these kids smooched.  


My advice is date a girl you know is sexually active. Chances are she will make the first move so you have nothing to worry about.  


See, now that's what I mean by concrete.  


Hey Billy...I hear that prostitute is sexually active. She's a keeper.  


I sense you don't like Ian's idea.  


It is good advice. All I am saying is that it depends on the number of guys the chicks has slept with.

For example, one of the guys is 16. He meets a sexually active girl the same age. She has 5 dudes she's already boned on her resume. If that is what these guys are looking for, and what you are pushing for them, then hey...go to town. Have fun getting tested boys.  


I'm just trying to get these guys kissed. This degenerated quickly.

So back to my readers' advice on how to know if a kiss is in the cards. To get the ball rolling, here's another story.

When it finally came time to kiss the girl I mentioned in my original post, I actually asked her if I could kiss her. She informed me that you never ask a girl if you can kiss her. You just go for it. I told her that I've asked plenty of girls if I could kiss them and most of them seem to appreciate it. She just couldn't grasp it. She still let me kiss her, though, so who won in the end?

I won on principle, but she won because she got to kiss me.  


As a somewhat forward girl who has always lusted after shy geeky boys I have a lot of experience in showing a guy that it is ok for him to kiss me. 1) Hand signs- if you have gotten to holding hands, kid of fondling the hand or squeezing it is a good sign, 2) if you are at a movie or on the bus or couch and she moves closer to you, sort of leans on you, good sign 3) if she goes to the pisser and comes back with repainted lips, good sign 4)if she offers you a mint, good sign, unless you just ate onions, then its a sign of her being grossed out. Also, try leaning in when she is talking, if she smiles and blushes when you get closer, or gets all discombobulated and forgets what she is saying- good sign. If all else fails kiss her on the cheek, watch her reaction. Fear and surprise= bad. Giggling, blushing or looking coyly at the ground- good signs. And for the record asking a girl if you can kiss her is ok- very sweet.  


By the way, I didn't really think James' advice sucked. I don't want you people not to contribute because you think I'll mock you.

I mean, I probably will, but please comment anyway.  


See, I'm with you on all of those Andi, but the lipstick one. That may indeed be what it means, but if I was out with a girl and she came back with re-touched lipstick, it wouldn't make me think I should kiss her. It would make me think, "Ooh, she just fixed those, I better not touch them."

Although, I kissed this girl in kindergarten and I asked her if she could wear lipstick the next time I kissed her because I thought it would be cooler.

These days, not so much.

Also, there is nothing cooler than leaning in towards a girl while she's talking and noticing her getting all flustered. Or noticing her leaning in towards you and asking her if she's thinking about kissing you.  


Well maybe highschool is different these days, but I suppose it depends if it is bonnybell or maybeline. I mean if she is wearing tinited lip gloss that smells like strawberries- its a good sign. But if she is wearing fire-engine red lipstick- well shes probably going to kiss you first anyway.  


What if it's black and she wont' stop cutting herself or writing bad poetry?  


I think what it really comes down to is the individual personalities of the guys.

If a guy is very shy it may not matter what signals the girl is giving him because he's already convinced himself there is no way this girl would want to kiss him. Or maybe he thinks he is seeing signs but is to worried that if he tries to kiss her he might be wrong and will be denied.

Where as a guy with more confidence may be willing to give it a try wheter he is getting signs or not.

As I've gotten older I've come to realize that I had opportunities with girls that I never took advantage of because I was too shy or clueless to realize it. I'm not being cocky or anything, God knows it was a very small number of opportunities, but they were there none the less.  


sharpen your teeth, bite her neck, and call it a day.  


By the way, I definitely fall into the very shy category. If my wife hadn't finally made the first move and kissed me we may not even be married today.  


Ian's unflinching honesty about his own personality has deeply touched me.

I deem this possibly the greatest comment section in my blog's history. It has kissing, pathos, goths, and whores.  


Speaking of whores, I never realized James had such a deep-seeded hatred for them.

You would think a guy who loves porn as much as James would have a bit of a soft spot for whores but I guess not.

I mean, you think you know a guy and then ...BAM! Something like this comes out of left field and smacks you in the face.  


James is like an onion. He has many layers. If he were in NSynch, he'd be JC Chasez because he's kind of brooding and mysterious.

Wait... what? Where am I?  


Also, nice use of the word pathos.  


What do you expect? I'm a professional writer.

Sometimes I laugh a little when I say that.  


Me too. Only, I laugh alot.  


I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. It's just the opening was there and I had to take it.

I have a problem.  


Oh go play with your shillelagh.  


That was kind of uncalled for. But, he does write for paper in a county he's never even been to.

I keep on mentioning that, perhaps I too have a problem.  


Oh go play with your paralegal.  


Sadly, I have no shillelagh.

Did you know how to spell shillelagh off the top of your head or did you have to look it up?  


Funny you should ask.

I had some idea how to spell it, so I typed it into google to see if it would correct my spelling - and I got it right.

Which is really strange because, as some people around here can tell you, I can't even spell "necessary" most of the time.

Was that right?  


You "professional writers" never cease to amaze me.  


When you put it in quotes like that, it's like you don't take me seriously...  


Of course I "take you seriously."  


"Blow me."  


Are you trying to send me signals that it's OK to kiss you??  


My vocabulary is very limited, and I have no idea what is going on.  


I was wondering where you went to Jaime.  


You obviously looked "necessary" up that time because that's the only time I've ever seen you spell it right.  


Oh go play with your flood survey.  


I know that was weak, but I was trying to stick with a theme and I was at a loss.  


So back to the topic. I totally agree with Ian on the shy thing. Ian has known me forever, and I am pretty shy. I usually read things wrong and get my hopes up.

There was one time that I did just go for a kiss. I remember like it was 5 years ago....

It was summer session I at Radford University, and my friend Melissa invited me out to hang out with some friends. I struck up a convo with one of them and we seemed to hit it off. Well, me being the shy person I am, I didn't ask for her number. I went the stalking route and decided to get the number from Melissa. We talked on the phone for a while and made plans to all go out the next night. At the end of the night, we were all walking back from the bar. They parked in a different direction, so we had to split ways. As Melissa and her friend went one way, I kept Laura back and talked to her for a bit. Then she kinda hesitated and said she had to go. As she walked away, I gently grabbed her hand and pulled her back. I placed my other hand on her cheek and gave her a kiss goodnight.

That is the only time that I definitely "sensed" that she wanted the same thing. All the other times I was intoxicated. I love liquid confidence.  


That story made me kinda hot.  


Liquid confidence + whiskey dick = Good times for someone.  


You just summed up my Thursday evening my friend.  


My apologies to you and your roommates cat then.  


My paralegal said she didn't want to play with me.
However, she reminded me that kids in highschool play spin the bottle, or did in the stone ages when we were young anyway- and that one can rig the bottle with a piece of chewing gum stuck on the floor- such providing the opportunity to kiss and note reaction rather than having to read reactions prior to kissing- and hey if the rigging doesn't work maybe you'll like kissing some other girl or guy for that matter better and forget about the one you thought you wanted to kiss.
It should be noted that when I asked her if she wanted to play spin the bottle with me she looked at me very confusedly so hopefully she thinks Im kidding and does not bring a harrassment law suit against me, but if she does, expect a big fat subpoena.  


I've never played spin the bottle, but I'm guessing if your not even sure if the girl wants to kiss you, asking her to play spin the bottle is a pretty big risk.  


If I get subpoenad does that mean I have to go to Harlan? Because I don't want to break my streak.  


yes, but if everyone is playing she will give into the peer pressure. However, Im pretty sure if you are out with her alone and ask her to spin the bottle, she will just slap you, unless she has the slutty qualities mentioned above in which case spin the bottle is a little redundant.

If she decides to sue me I will be sure to encourage her to do it somewhere more convenient for you.  


Also, make sure she spells my name right. It's J-a-m-e-s.  


Just have those guys tell their dates that they're "pretty like the girls in those College Girls Gone Wild tapes my uncle lets me watch."
OR just be up front and say "let's kiss, oh, unless you're gay, that is."

In real life, I've always found it unappealing for someone to ask if they can kiss me. Get off me, Urkel. Here is how you know if a girl wants some:
1) bites her lips a lot
2) doesn't look at you like cancer when you touch her hair
3) shows you her double jointed elbow/ thumb
4) doesn't care if you drink from the same water bottle
5) takes her shirt off on a dare (exception: If Rodger Lodge is involved in any way, this is not the case)
6) kills the man that killed your brother

In high school once i named my garbage can after the guy I had a crush on.

I would later loose my virginity to that very same man. let that be a lesson to you all. Awkward, weird signs of affection are often key.  


Bunny, I'm printing off your comments and forwarding them to my students in their entirety. There's too much valuable stuff there for me to try and paraphrase.

On a side note, I feel stupid for not asking out Stacey my junior year of college after she avenged my brother's death. Looking back, I think you're right. She totally wanted me.  


I just get really drunk.  


And...?  


i never realized that the vast majority of my friends were non-making-out douchebags.  


Funny isn't it? Fifty-five post at last count and maybe four or five of them actually provide advice on how to get the boys kissed. Most of it is James and Ian whining about what dorks they were/are.  


welcome to my life.  


And for the older crowd:

http://fairmountfair.com/flagpole/weekly/articles.php?fp=4865

Now I realize that this is how to get laid in Athens, but it is really appliciable everywhere. Except that in YOUR city there are probably less shameless "journalists" trying to take their personal affairs out on the sluts of the neighborhood.  


"And if a girl has a strong ideological standpoint, tell her she has beautiful skin or something, because she probably had no friends in high school and could use the encouragement."

Genius!  


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