I've figured out what's wrong with my life.

I don't have an enemy.

Every good hero in literature, comics, movies, whatever is defined by his enemies. Sherlock Holmes had Moriarty. Batman had the Joker. Sigourney Weaver had the Aliens. P.Dirty has sobriety. The list goes on.

I don't think I'll truly ever amount to anything until I've found my opposite number. That person, out there, that opposes everything I stand for. My Lex Luthor. The ony problem is, I can't think of anyone who would make a good enemy for me. So, I'm asking you, my readers and friends, to help me out. Help me come up with an enemy, so that I can finally be a well rounded man of action.

He/She needs to be a worthy advesary. Someone who I would ultimately triumph over in a contest of wills/muscle/sexual prowess, but not easily. They need to present me with a challenge. Also, it'd be good if they were visually striking. That way, we'd look cool locked in battle together.

So, get to it. Suggest me an enemy.


You should have an abstract vilian like LIFE. Oh wait I guess that would just make you a normal person.  


NEWMAN!!!!  


I would suggest...Leo, beacuase he kind of does look like Lex Luther in a bald with glasses sort of way. Seriously, I would think you should battle Ben Afflack. He would be a geat advesary and I would love it if you would win against him.  


I like the idea of an abstract enemy. I also like the idea of Ben Affleck as my enemy, but honestly, I really consider him an enemy already by extension of him being an enemy to all that is right and good in the universe.  


elmo?  


that was me.  


i hate telling the damn computer who i am everytime.

know yo place computer!  


Elmo is the worst muppet ever. He totally brought down Sesame Street. There was no Elmo when I was a kid. They made him up because Cookie Monster was confusing the kids. "Why do the cookies keep falling out of his mouth?" So Elmo was brought in to be stupid, non-threatening, and utterly un-confusing. He never eats cookies. He just laughs when tickeled. And talks in a voice that suggest an innapropriate relationship with an adult at a younger age. I know that's bad to say, but there it is. Elmo can't be my enemy. I pity him too much.  


ok, first idea shot down.

idea #2...

"the man." come on, it's abstract, and it represents a force of oppression present in all our lives that is virtually non-combatible. now, explain that one away nerdy.  


I own a house and a truck. I have a 9 to 5 job and a retirement account. I can't be enemies with the man, because... I am the man.

Next.  


touche douche.  


double s and i are collaborating at the moment, we'll give you our final answer in a second.

hint: she says it must be a woman because you're sexist. i concur.  


I'm sexist? I'M sexist??

Oh, wait, yeah. I am.

Okay, let me know. Make sure she's hot, cause we'll probably have to wrassle since we're enemies.  


double s and i have decided that your nemesis should be none other than martha stewart.

you said to pick someone that represents everything that you oppose. she's a powerful, naturally-aging, intelligent, craft-generating, sexually-peaking woman who can rock your world while simultaneously preparing creme broule.  


wrassle with that.  


I'm speechless.  


I can't argue witht that...touche B to the pizzle and S to the sizzle

okay, so I tried.

www.gizoogle.com  


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