I used to have this thing. It wasn't a fetish. It wasn't even a preference. It was just something I liked. Back when I was married, I liked my wife in matching underwear. I don't know why. Maybe it was purely aesthetic. Maybe it was the fact that my first exposure to women's underwear was the lingerie section of a JC Penny's catalogue. I don't know. At any rate, I liked matching underwear. My wife at the time, however, was almost always running late. So that meant very little thought went into what her underwear looked like. Whatever time she had most mornings between waking up and going to work was usually dedicated to doing her hair or trying to push the wrinkles out of a skirt with the warmest flat item she could find. So the underwear ensemble suffered. It was usually a random pair of panties and a plain, white utillity bra. Now, I'm not complaining. I understand that most women don't want to spend their mornings making sure that a layer of clothing most people will never see matches some stupid ideal of their oversexed husbands. I'm just saying I liked it when her bra matched her panties. That's all. I liked it.

Last night I was on the phone with my ex-wife and we had the following conversation:

Her: I just finished color coordinating my underwear drawer.
Me: Congratulations on a completing a collosal waste of time.
Her: It's just easier getting dressed in the morning if I don't have to spend a lot of time trying to find a bra that matches the panties I have on. If they're color coordinated, it's easier.
Me: Yeah, I guess that would be... Wait. What?
Her: It's just easier if they're...
Me: No, no, I got it. But are you telling me that you wear matching underwear every day now?
Her: Well, I...
Me: Because, keep in mind - if you are telling me that... I... I'm gonna be pissed.
Her: I...
Me: Holy crap! You do! You do wear matching underwear every day! Are you kidding me?
Her: I don't... I just... I mean...
Me: Don't try to deny it! You just said that's why you coordinated your underwear drawer! Unbelievable!

This, and stories like this are why, if you ever get divorced, you should not stay in contact with your ex-wife.

The next time I get married, my wife is wearing matching underwear every day even if I have to lay it out for her the night before. And maybe six-inch stilletos. I haven't decided.


you sure spend a lot of time thinking about underwear...  


This is undeniably true.  


That's classic!

Speaking of underwear, I like the kind that looks like short shorts. I find them very sexy even though they aren't as revealing as some other types of underwear.  


Don't tell me, tell your wife.  


Or James.  


They both know and James was happy to comply. My wife took a little more work.  


Wives are tricky.  


I don't mind wearing the shorts. It is the bra I have a problem with.  


Have you thought about one of those water bras? I hear they're all the rage among the booby set.  


I haven't even heard of those. I go away on travel for a few days and all hell breaks loose in the bra industry!  


I would point out that water bras have been around for a while now, but I'm already, apparently, seen as the guy who spends a lot of time thinking about underwear.

But I'd like to point out that I think about swimwear a lot too.  


See, I don't think there is a whole lot of difference between swim wear and underware...with some exceptions.  


Are you trying to make some old person-like commentary about how skimpy swimwear is these days or are you just rambling?  


I finally figured out you were trying to say "monogamous." At first I thought you were saying "magnanimous" but that didn't make any sense in context.

I won't speculate as to what her attempts at matching underwear mean. However, I will use your shaven leg/matching underwear barometer on all the girls I know. I will feel there legs then peek at their bra and panties. If their legs are shaven and their underwear matches, I'm pouncing on them. You said it was okay.  


I am saying that people make a large deal between the two...but there really is no difference.

Like, oh my goodness, she is wearing undies in public, but yet we were bikinis?...  


Post a Comment