Monday, October 03, 2005
i'd be a better writer
I’d be a better writer if I was angrier. Just imagine the scorching screeds I could crank out if I was some fuming malcontent. Imagine how much more you’d enjoy reading this right now if it was full of righteous indignation and profanity. Yeah, I get upset about crooked politicians and people driving slow in the left lane like anybody does - but I just can’t get worked up into a regular lather like some writers can. At the end of the day I’d rather just go to bed happy.
I’d be a better writer if I was romantic. I’d write poetry and love songs. I’d write paragraphs and paragraphs about how I once got so lost in some girls eyes that I couldn’t remember my street address. Women would read my writing and feel a stirring in their loins. Men probably would too, but they’d never admit to it. But late at night when the rest of the world was asleep and they were laying alone in the silence of their bedrooms, a plaintive sigh would escape their lips.
I’d be a better writer if I was more insightful. People would love the stuff I write because I’d look at everyday situations and I’d put a spin on them that nobody had ever thought of. I’d make the complex simple and I’d make the simple seem complex. Whenever people finished reading me, they’d sit back in their chairs and just think for a few minutes. Finally they’d say, “Hmm,” get up slowly, and go about their days, mostly unchanged but feeling a little wiser, a little more thoughtful. Eventually they’d bring up my observations in conversation and pretend like they were their own. It would be a crappy, dishonest thing to do, but I’d let it slide.
Those are three things that would make me a better writer. Some other things that would make me a better writer include learning how to spell and where to put commas. As, it, stands, I’ll, put, a comma, anywhere, I, damn, well, feel, like.
Let's all list things that would make Patrick a better writer, I'll start. More pictures.
That's it... take anonymous shots at me...
I must say a few things.
First - The rebellious comma free for all was brilliant and hilarious. I actually laughed out loud for several minutes.
B) I really enjoy your writing. The column, things you do for crossroads, and even stuff on your blog.
and 3. Well, there's nothing else to say, I guess. Uhm. I'm done now.
Thanks Scott!
Tips for better writing?
Patrick needs to stay real to Buckhorn Drive. He needs to incorporate more of what the kids there call "the thug life." You know...
Fallin back on that ass, with a hellafied gangsta lean
Gettin funky on the mic like a old batch of collard greens
It's the capital S, oh yes I'm fresh, N double-O P
D O double-G Y, D O double-G, ya see
Showin much flex when it's time to wreck a mic
Pimpin hoes and clockin a grip like my name was Dolomite
That kinda stuff.
Stay real to your streets, dawg.
You're right. I guess the answer was always right there... inside me, all along.
like ian's member.
You guys love my member.
Why wouldn't we? Everybody loves a good joke.
That makes since. I mean, we all visit this blog don't we.
tear.
Aaaawww, now I feel bad.
So bad in fact, that I declare the rest of this week to be Ian Appreciation Week on my blog. Festivities begin in full tomorrow.
In honor of "Ian Appreciation Week," I bonged 4 beers and pleasured myself for 2.5 hours before arriving at work.
Next on the list...
...I'll probably listen to some "Innocence Mission" on the way home.
So other than the Innocence Mission, it'll be business as usual?
Wait, wait, wait. Whoah! Just, whoah!
Business as usually would've been an entire six-pack and that 2.5 hours would've been enjoyed in the company of carnies and farm animals.
So, smart ass, the answer is no. No, it is not business as usual!
sorry about that last post. if i con't get my customary 6 beers in the morning, i'm just a crab the rest of the day.
That's it... lash out at the people you love... I may not always be here, you know.
oh, trust me! i know!
you'll probably be at Squires Tavern chumming it up with some locals and having a grand ol' time!!!!!
Sorry I'm not your doormat.
Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time, you know.
Thanks to you, now i get...(tear)
...now I get what I want.
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I’d be a better writer if I was romantic. I’d write poetry and love songs. I’d write paragraphs and paragraphs about how I once got so lost in some girls eyes that I couldn’t remember my street address. Women would read my writing and feel a stirring in their loins. Men probably would too, but they’d never admit to it. But late at night when the rest of the world was asleep and they were laying alone in the silence of their bedrooms, a plaintive sigh would escape their lips.
I’d be a better writer if I was more insightful. People would love the stuff I write because I’d look at everyday situations and I’d put a spin on them that nobody had ever thought of. I’d make the complex simple and I’d make the simple seem complex. Whenever people finished reading me, they’d sit back in their chairs and just think for a few minutes. Finally they’d say, “Hmm,” get up slowly, and go about their days, mostly unchanged but feeling a little wiser, a little more thoughtful. Eventually they’d bring up my observations in conversation and pretend like they were their own. It would be a crappy, dishonest thing to do, but I’d let it slide.
Those are three things that would make me a better writer. Some other things that would make me a better writer include learning how to spell and where to put commas. As, it, stands, I’ll, put, a comma, anywhere, I, damn, well, feel, like.
Let's all list things that would make Patrick a better writer, I'll start. More pictures.
That's it... take anonymous shots at me...
I must say a few things.
First - The rebellious comma free for all was brilliant and hilarious. I actually laughed out loud for several minutes.
B) I really enjoy your writing. The column, things you do for crossroads, and even stuff on your blog.
and 3. Well, there's nothing else to say, I guess. Uhm. I'm done now.
Thanks Scott!
Tips for better writing?
Patrick needs to stay real to Buckhorn Drive. He needs to incorporate more of what the kids there call "the thug life." You know...
Fallin back on that ass, with a hellafied gangsta lean
Gettin funky on the mic like a old batch of collard greens
It's the capital S, oh yes I'm fresh, N double-O P
D O double-G Y, D O double-G, ya see
Showin much flex when it's time to wreck a mic
Pimpin hoes and clockin a grip like my name was Dolomite
That kinda stuff.
Stay real to your streets, dawg.
You're right. I guess the answer was always right there... inside me, all along.
like ian's member.
You guys love my member.
Why wouldn't we? Everybody loves a good joke.
That makes since. I mean, we all visit this blog don't we.
tear.
Aaaawww, now I feel bad.
So bad in fact, that I declare the rest of this week to be Ian Appreciation Week on my blog. Festivities begin in full tomorrow.
In honor of "Ian Appreciation Week," I bonged 4 beers and pleasured myself for 2.5 hours before arriving at work.
Next on the list...
...I'll probably listen to some "Innocence Mission" on the way home.
So other than the Innocence Mission, it'll be business as usual?
Wait, wait, wait. Whoah! Just, whoah!
Business as usually would've been an entire six-pack and that 2.5 hours would've been enjoyed in the company of carnies and farm animals.
So, smart ass, the answer is no. No, it is not business as usual!
sorry about that last post. if i con't get my customary 6 beers in the morning, i'm just a crab the rest of the day.
That's it... lash out at the people you love... I may not always be here, you know.
oh, trust me! i know!
you'll probably be at Squires Tavern chumming it up with some locals and having a grand ol' time!!!!!
Sorry I'm not your doormat.
Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time, you know.
Thanks to you, now i get...(tear)
...now I get what I want.
Post a Comment
