I saw Superman Returns on Saturday night. I'm going to discuss it now. If you haven't seen the movie and don't want it spoiled for you, stop reading now. Everything below this point can be considered a spoiler for the film. You've been warned. Okay? Okay.






I went in cautious but excited. I really wanted to like this movie, but knew from what I'd read that Bryan Singer was basing his Superman on the character's previous movie incarnation and not so much the comic book's. That's fine. For a lot of people those films are a major touchstone as far as the character is concerned. I just would have liked to see us get away from the Donner era. I wanted to see Brandon Routh playing Superman. Not Brandon Routh playing Christopher Reeves playing Superman.

Anyway...

A half hour into the movie, all my fears had disappeared. I was loving it. I had a minor nerd-anxiety moment when they showed a young Clark Kent wearing glasses (if the glasses are a disguise so people wouldn't know Clark is Superman, why would he have them as a boy?) but I got over it. By the time Superman saved Lois and the airplane I was in heaven. I leaned over to Sara and whispered, "That was (expletive deleted) awesome!"

Then it happened.

Superman meets Lois on the rooftop and she tells him the world doesn't need a savior. So, in response, Superman flies her into the air and explains that from up there he can hear the cries of people in need, and so they obviously do need a savior.

That's when I checked out. Superman doesn't think of himself as humanity's savior. Regardless of the Christ-like similarities in the story, regardless of how hard Singer tried to shove the Marlan Brando speech down our throats, that's not Superman. Superman is there to help, but believes humanity must stand or fall on it's own.

So, at that point I realized Singer didn't really understand the character. But the special effects were still good and Routh was surprisingly convincing as the Man of Steel, so I decided to stay with it.

Then the other shoe dropped.

When the revelation came that Superman was really the father of Lois' child (and honestly, it was pretty obvious, but I was hoping against hope...) I checked out for the second and final time. There's so much wrong with how that situation was handled I don't even know if I can get it all out.

First of all, there's really only one Superman story as far as I'm concerned: Clark loves Lois, Lois Loves Superman. It's a love triangle between two people(and yeah, I know DC already screwed that up by letting Superman marry Lois, but hey, what can I say? They got it wrong too). By introducing Perry White's nephew in the picture and allowing him to think he's the father of Lois' son, you've screwed up the triangle in such a way that the only way out of it is either for Lois and Superman to be complete a-holes and tell him to hit the bricks, or by killing him off.

Then there's the issue of the kid. Unless they just pretend like this movie didn't happen (which I would prefer) then every film after this has to deal with the kid. It's gonna be Superman and son. Did they really think they couldn't get any more compelling material out of the mythos as it stood? Did they really think they needed Superman to have a kid?

So yeah, those were my big problem with the film. That and what was possibly the most anti-climatic ending to any movie ever. It was still fun for the Super powers stuff, though. And I wouldn't discourage anyone from seeing it because the general population doesn't care about the character bits like I do and because Singer getting it wrong won't do any lasting harm to the character.

Alright Gentlemen. Let me have it.


I had basically the same problems with the film, but my reasons were a little different on the son factor. If they just go ahead and say "Oh, this kid...he's Superman's son" then they've ruined one of the greatest questions in nerd history: can Superman have sex with a normal human? There are so many factors to be considered, and then there is the whole wouldn't the super-child kick his mother's spine into the wall by accident while still in the womb? The Superman question is up there with What happens if a highlander gets bitten by a vampire, or werewolf, or zombie? I just didn't appreciate Singer answering the Super-Sex question so casually. And unfortunately I know exactly how much of a nerd this comment has identified me as. I'll sit alone in the cafeteria forever.  


At least you didn't reference Larry Niven's essay about whether or not Superman can have sex, entitled, "Men of Steel, Women of Kleenex" or something like that.

That would have made you the uber-nerd.  


I think it's time for me to move on to another blog now....geez.  


Mission accomplished.  


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