Okay, so I was participating in an email conversation today and the subject of Shetland Ponies came up. I use GMail for my email service, and they throw little adds in at the side of the page, based on key words in your emails (it's not nearly as intrusive or annoying as it sounds). Anyway, one of the ads that showed up was for "Painted Pony Collectibles."

I used to have a quasi-father-in-law named Painted Pony. He claimed to be half American Indian. He also claimed to have grown up on a reservation where he was beaten by monks every day until he finally left to fight in Viet Nam where he was assigned to teach the gentle hill people how to fight against their Viet Cong oppressors.

Turns out it was all a lie. Every bit of it. He wasn't really named Painted Pony, wasn't really half Indian, never lived on a reservation, and didn't go to Viet Nam. He was just making stuff up.

It's weird that you can actually be standing at ground zero when the weirdness bomb goes off like that and then a few years later barely even remember it until something reminds you.


Question:

Could and would you please explain the dynamics of a "quasi-father-in-law"? How does one find themselves in such a scenario?

Also, I find it best to never talk to anyone about Shetland Ponies and it's somewhat troubling that you would have a "conversation" about them with anyone that would last longer than one sentence.  


My ex-wife's mother divorced my ex-wife's dad and married this Painted Pony guy (while I was still married). I didn't consider him my father-in-law, but he held the position to some degree. I guess I should have said my "step-father-in-law." Now he'd be my "ex-step-father-in-law."

Hyphens are fun.

Also, the Shetland pony conversation also involved a clown, members of St. Awesome's staff in costume, and getting the pony drunk. Seriously.  


That sounds like the most awesome e-mail strand in e-mail history. Can it be forwarded to me? I promise not to forward it on to anyone else unless I can benefit, financially or socially, from doing so.

Also, I'm not buying the whole "Ex-step-father-in-law" story. I think YOU'RE the liar here bubba! You never were married were you? You just made that whole marriage thing up as a distraction to hide you dirty little secret. Just admit it, you're a virgin...it's OK. I mean, it's OK for you.  


I couldn't have made up Painted Pony if I tried. It was all too perfect. The only thing real about him was his strange little lisp and the smell of wood-stove and feet.  


Did you or Sarah ever get the pic I sent to you of the Painted Pony Poster I saw in New York?

remind me to show that to you the next time we hang out like buds.  


We never got it. I look forward to the poster if not the hanging out like buds.  


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